Expectations

Expectations

Have you ever felt like you're trapped in expectations, even when no one explicitly expresses them? For many of us, this is an unconscious burden we carry. Trying to meet expectations can create immense pressure because, if we don’t, we may feel “punished.” Many of us deal with this, because there have been generations who placed great importance on meeting expectations and passed this onto the next generation. Meeting the expectations of the parent you love can sometimes feel so overwhelming that you break under the weight of it. Breaking in trying to be perfect, breaking in avoidance, in lying, in running away, or numbing.

In more or less degrees, we all deal with this. We are dependent when we are born, and therefore we place our caregivers on a pedestal. The parenting system used to be this way, and history teaches us that pressure was also placed in schools. In the end, we spend much of our lives trying to meet the expectations we’ve set for ourselves.

If you can handle this, for whatever reason, you may find yourself facing it again.

I thought I had healed the wound of meeting expectations. Since I’ve been in higher education, I’ve become more aware of it and have worked through it in different ways. But once again, I’ve broken down, and I need to process it. I became blocked and had created blind spots from the pressure I felt while caring for animals. Avoiding, numbing—my intuition was stifled. Nothing was working under the pressure. This caused me to make mistakes I didn’t even realize. But now that I see them, I can recognize all the moments where I could have woken up, like puzzle pieces popping up.

Incredible, how the pressure had trapped me. And now, mourning the current situation and the wound. Feeling it, reflecting on it, and examining it. It’s a subtle energy, and despite the painful path I had to walk, I am grateful that I got to see another piece of it. Grateful that, under pressure, I didn’t make even bigger mistakes, and feeling compassionate toward us as humans… what complex beings we are.